I have always wondered the part luck has played in my life. In almost every part of my life, I have got my best share. I have got wonderful things in life. But some people might say, all good things come to an end........ Well, I just never believed in this statement, since whatever good thing ended, brought with it another good thing so far in my life, that made me look up to my life with eagerness and enthusiasm.
A car with fuel is expected to run out of it once it travels miles... If the car travels with more power, generally the fuel lasts only a little time... I really hope that the analogy of the car being my life and the fuel being my good luck, doesnt turn out to be true. Infact, I have had great luck in almost everything that I have done in the past, that I have not learnt much of how life is on the rougher side of the road. In fact, I have been happy that my life has so far been a smooth ride all along... All along, until the first signs of practicality and the "law of averages" struck me. Applying for 11 universities and getting rejected by the first 10 of it is indeed a frustrating time for anyone. It was indeed the same situation that I was at... But suddenly, after all that mental weakness of not able to get an admit into a university, lady luck learned to smile again, and the last ever university that I was waiting for an admit, finally sent me an email, choosing to accept me as a student.
I should have taken it as a sign and and should have compensated the waning luck with hard work. I was about to sample the rough side of life, and it was always there as an impending danger. But since I came so close to change tracks at that time, I have been feeling that I might change track one day and sample the thorny, muddy roads.....
The wicked spirit of failure is smiling back at me now. The smile that it has, is not its own, but stolen from me, and here I stand, like a man, dumbfounded and forgotten how to speak, except that the object of interest is not speech, but smile....
I would not want to discuss the reason behind this, as it might sound trivial and a "matter of time" problem to most of you, but it is one of those things that I expected to happen spontaneously. I had always thought that if there was someone, its got to be me. But now, that doesnt seem to happen. I have started to believe that my recipe for success has changed. Now, it tastes a little sour... This isnt the taste of success.. So, what ingredients are missing? Am I the same man now?
I have always admired at my ability to lift myself up even in the worst of situations. I know that all I want at this moment is just more commitment, hard work and sincerity. It is something that I should strive hard for, which I have not done knowingly in my life so far, and so all this is alien to me. My mind says that this is a passing phase, but my heart refuses to buy it.
So, here comes the judgement months... Just some time ago, it was 'years'. Now it is 'months'. Time doesnt want to wait for me. Time is slowly running out and I need to manouver my car to the smoother side of the road. And, as I always say, there is always a brighter tomorrow. A better tomorrow. A tomorrow where life takes new wings and frustration and failure take the corner table, rather than being the chief attraction.. All I know is that I won't get it without some effort from my side. I am ready to put that effort.. Am just lazy enough to put it off. I will push myself harder. I will take an oath. I will do everything that needs to put me on the right track.
I will be waiting for that day. Waiting with open arms, to embrace that day and to welcome the forthcoming days.
Village Pongal
14 years ago
